Kevin O’Connor’s Top 5 Pizza Toppings

5. Pepperoni. No surprise here. Who doesn’t love a spicy sliver of pepperoni on their slice? I know I do. So much so that my next selection is…

4. Pepperoni. A logical follow-up to pepperoni, ‘cause who can resist a double helping of that sweet ‘n’ spicy sausage on an already pepperoni’d pizza pie? Certainly not me. As for number 3, I gotta go with…

3. Pepperoni! A controversial selection, for sure. Many of this list’s contributors and correspondents didn’t believe that pepperoni—the sweetest meat on Fleet Street—deserved more than two mentions. “Madness,” they screamed. They have since been fired and replaced—and the new writers all agree that the runner-up for the pizza topping championship is….

2. PEPPERONI. That’s right. Despite the fact that I am being sued for my swift action against the writers who dissed pepperoni, I will not be going down without a fight. So, you can all watch in amazement/horror as I elect the number one choice for greatest pizza topping in the existence of mankind…

1. P-E-P-P-E-R-O-N-I. OH YEAH. What do you think about THAT, Better Business Bureau? Did I just blow your mind? You didn’t think I would do it, but I did it. Bestowing upon this heavenly spiced ambrosia the highest honor: All 5 spots in this week’s Top 5 list! Sure, you can sue me, fire me, and convict me of wrongful termination, but I will have the last word!

What will those last words be? ….I’ll have my desk cleaned out by 5, but charcuterie is forever.

Kevin O’Connor is a 22-year-old college writer from Chicago. He moved to Jacksonville as a teenager and is currently a human communications major at the University of Central Florida. He’s worked for Lazy Moon since March 2015. He also writes, performs stand-up, and plays guitar in multiple bands.

%d bloggers like this: